And so the dam bursts...

It's been so so long since I put words into this space. I took a break during a busy time and it just become longer and longer as the words churned around my head, building pressure and threatening to flood.

And so the dam walls burst... and I am here again.

Life has been like always - up, down, spinning round and round. The kids grow, change, surprise and amaze me.

There are parts that hurt, parts that feel like a piece of sunshine.

Right now my heart is exploding as I pack my bag for the hardest journey of my life so far. 

I'm weighing my carry on, checking I've got my boarding pass. Setting my alarm for 2:30am for the drive to Adelaide airport in the morning.

I have to go and say goodbye to someone very special, and I don't even know how I will bring myself to get in my car tomorrow morning because it hurts so damn much.

I keep crying in all the most inconvenient places - navigating the town roundabout on the school run, in the coffee shop, filing my car with petrol. The tears leak forth around my stone walls as I struggle to build them high enough to contain all I feel. I can't build fast enough, sometimes I have to open the gates and let them flow, mop the floor and wait for them to build again.

Everything I have done for the last few days has been filtered through a veil. I wrap it around me to shelter myself enough to get up each day and do what needs to be done. 

I've smiled when those around me needed my smiles. I wrapped my heart in armour, because it's not their pain to carry. And I have enjoyed all the crazy moments with this little family, because they are keeping me going, giving me love and letting me love them, because in some moments that is all I can manage.

And I will be back. Because now I have let the words flow, there will be more. So many more.

I promise.

Little People Stories

Does your little person tell you stories?

Mine does.

Side-splittingly funny, rambling, busy stories.

I find bits of them recorded onto my phone, complete with videos touring our house at Frog level.

The latest one was a recording of her toes while she sang a long and giggly tiddly toes song.

I hope she never stops telling stories.

I hope this harsh world doesn't take the fun out of her simple existence.

I hope she can see a story everyday, for the rest of her life.

She has reminded me the stories are right there, in front of my eyes.

I just have to look.

Stories on the wind...

There's nothing quite like being an Australian.

Some days it hits me how many feelings and experiences we have that are unique to us.

And by "us" I mean any person living in the great wide land.

Today was a surreal reminder of the land that shapes us into who we are.

Standing on my porch thinking "I probably won't be doing the washing today" as smoke drifted across the valley like a ghost over the hills.

The grey clouds floating from hundreds of miles away and clinging to the landscape, whispering stories of forests disappearing into flame and ash. And you stop still and listen as the country tells you it's tales.

We're born with the knowledge that in this place, we don't tame the land, the land tames us.

And when it speaks, we listen, deep down in our bones.

How Hard Can It Be?

Dear Business Owner

You may not be aware that I put many hours of concerted effort into my application to work for your company.

I spent a great deal of my limited time researching you and your business, matching my skills to your needs and providing relevant examples, and generally spruiking my excellent talents so you wouldn't have to read something as tedious as my resume.

I actually WANTED to work for you. That's why I put in the effort, my letter/email did not arrive on your lap/in your inbox because I am so devoid of human interaction I'll do anything for attention.

Note the past tense. I no longer want to work for you because despite all my efforts it seems you subscribe to the theory that common courtesy is out of touch with a modern reality.

I refer of course to your obvious lack of reply in any form - whether letter, phone call, email or even as a last resort a text message. A polite "thankyou for your application" was all I required. An acknowledgement of receipt.

How hard can it be?

Yours frustratedly (it is a word... Shakespeare made up words so I can too)


Natalie.


PS - If you are an employment agency, you should know better, shame on you.

Happy Birthday to ME!

I don't get birthdays usually...

 

Not since Miss 10 (almost 11) decided she would make an appearance ten days after mine thus ensuring I am always in the throes of birthday cake construction planning and too busy erecting the scaffolding to care.

 

But I'm going to be that magical number 29 this year and I'm having a birthday.

 

A proper one.

 

One before I hit the top of the hill at 30 and my Grandma starts buying me fancy eye cream every year like she does for mum.

 

WonderMan and I are off to Adelaide kid free for a whole. entire. weekend.

 

Kudos to my boss, she said yes when I pitched the whole "if you look after ours we will look after yours" scheme. She's a cool boss.

 

So Happy Birthday to me it is.

 

 

Apocalypse... Never?

After writing a piece ironically titled "It's the end of the world as we know it"  I was emailed by a lovely lady who thought I'd be interested in something her group had put out. 

This is where I chuckle because even though it has nothing to do with our dead tv, by complete coincidence I actually WAS interested. 

And it gave me a good laugh when I remember sitting around on NYE 1999 without my mum because she was on stand by as an emergency services volunteer. In case the lights went out and the aliens landed and it was all chaos and we all tried to eat our excess siblings.

You might remember some of these as well.

(This graphic comes from OnlinePsychologyDegree.net)