The Saga of the Spanx Panties

I have finally caved and bought my first pair of Spanx...


For me, this was a big step on the road to "OLD" and I was hoping it wouldn't happen to me so far away from thirty (which isn't as far away as I would like come to think of it...)

Here's how it went...


Last year I turned on my Facebook to discover an invitation to my 10 YEAR high school reunion. I immediately felt "OLD". So I ummed and ahhd about going and finally WonderMan said "Why not?" and replied for us before I could change my mind. Cue major scramble to get my sagging mummy butt into some sort of shape. Then Christmas arrived, and the New Year, and just as I was starting to actually do something and thought maybe I wasn't quite so saggy... I came down with Ross River (they think...)


So I toddle off to my doctor who informs me I need to quit smoking, lose 7 or more kilos, and I'm not allowed to exercise because it will inflame my already screaming muscles! Explain to me how not exercising and losing weight go together?


Well - I've quit smoking (WIN!) And I have made sure my diet is healthy (mostly WIN!) And I have lost some weight (DOUBLE WIN!!) 


HOWEVER...


When I lost weight I went down a pants size. Super excited and happy. So I bought a new pair of jeans. This is where it went downhill. 

I'm used to the fact that I have to take my pants up at least four inches because I am "a bit short one end" as WonderMan puts it. I'm used to the fact that all my jeans require a belt because to go out at the hips far enough they don't come back in at the waist where they need to. (All hail Just Jeans new Fit Print.... I think I may drool...)


My problem is suddenly I have the muffin top from HELL. Cue horrified sobbing and hurling anything in my closet that drew attention to the muffin. And I'm not long legged enough to wear a pair of high waist flared jeans(to hold in the top), oh no.... they just make me look like an out of work circus clown.

There was no way in this earth I was arriving at my reunion in a pair of skinnies and a muffin top!

So I went to town and bought myself a pair of Spanx. And thus confirmed that I am completely "OLD" and "PAST IT". 

And since then, almost every woman I know, old and young, pre baby and post baby, has admitted they use spanx all the time.

So maybe I'm not so past it after all.... but I still sob every morning when I get up and can't do a single stomach crunch to help tone up this pasty bit of pastry.