For Fucks Sake Friday!

Kudos goes to Dear Baby G, whose invention of FFSFriday is, as she so eloquently puts it, "cheaper than MOFO therapy"

Sit back and enjoy the ride.

We went away on the weekend, and two hours into the trip I got a phone call about something I knew needed to happen, but which was horrible anyway. Way to ruin a weekend. FFS.

I had to pick WonderMan up part way along the drive and even though I stopped for an entire twenty seconds, Frog woke up and instead of going back to sleep, she annoyed Tiger and they fought and whined for the next two and a half hours. FFS.

I did a super quick run through at Maccas to get the kids some Smurfy, Happy Meal "lets stop fighting now" goodness, and grabbed something to keep me from fainting away. They BURNT MY FRIES. FFS.

The map app on WonderMan's iPhone took us a different way to last time, so we got lost within the last 500m of the trip. Including a fascinating circuitous route around Yatala Labour Prison. Interesting, but still... FFS.

I discovered I have become a super lightweight drinker and one glass of fruity beer made my head swim. I need some serious training so I don't fall over embarrassingly at DPCON12 in March, but I probably will anyway... FFS.

I forgot to go to the Typo shop when I was at Harbour Town. Like, where did my brain go? FFS.

As we prepared to drive home from our weekend, I got a phone call to say $1000 dog had decided to crap inside overnight, and instead of on the tiles, in the kids CARPETED bedrooms where he has never gone before. FFS.

Inspection of site revealed we had a prowler that night and dog had been going spastic while walking in aforementioned crap. FFS.

Two Kirby shampoos later and they are only just smelling like bedrooms again. FFS.

I had a rental inspection Wednesday. I went through half a bottle of Febreeze that morning... FFS.

WonderMan wiped the frypan with my brand fucking new Ikea teatowels. Which are now ruined. I have plunged them into a soaking bucket in the hope I may be able to salvage them but cream fabric with big, smudgy, oily stains do not mix. FFS.

I didn't know until this morning so the stains have had all night to set. FFS.

I only discovered it when I went to wash two days of dishes that WonderMan has been "forgetting", even though he would need a forklift to clear enough space to make his lunch in the mornings. FFS.

When I lost my shit about him wrecking everything nice that we have (which he DOES btw, especially if I am said owner....) he responded with "What's your problem? Shit you're moody, have you got your period?"

F. F. S.

What gave you the shits this week?

PS. I have a husband for sale. 

Or giveaway. 

Shit, right now I would pay you to take him away.