Friday, 6 May 2011

Where's My Sock?

A Guide To Household Gremlins

You may have noticed some strange goings-on at your place... socks on the run... toliet roll holders empty... towels on the floor... Well I'll let you in on a little secret... there's gremlins in your house!

I have been observing some of the most common, and present my findings below:

Common Sock Gremlin
Found in almost every laundry, the Common Sock Gremlin is a quiet creature, not easily seen, but it's effects are all too obvious. They prey on singular socks, seeking out the newest addition to the washing pile and devouring it in the time it takes to run a wash cycle. 

Sock gremlins are extremely difficult to remove, but can be limited in their effects by placing an offering (usually a new pair of socks) in the laundry every few months. They will only ever eat one.

Towel Troll
The Towel Troll only ever appears while you are having a shower, and steals all the clean towels. No reason has been found for this behaviour, although the towels do generally appear in the washing basket later on.

They are attracted to the bathroom in relation to the local temperature, the distance to walk from the bathroom to the linen closet, the slip factor of the floor, and always appear when unexpected guests have arrived at your front door.

Dishes Stork

The dishes stork is a pest that I have found impossible to remove. I have tried all manner of methods of attack, but he still insists on bringing me regular dish deliveries. Hot wiring your draining board is probably the only effective method of control, but may result in kids with seriously 80's hair do's.

The Bathroom Bug

Bathroom bugs roam in packs, and can cause a number of household issues. They are notorious for pulling the shower curtain out of the bath leaving puddles on the floor, spreading toothpaste around the top of the tube and allowing it to dry, and consuming the last of the toilet paper but leaving the roll.

Key Kritters

Key Kritters hoard keys. They are especially fond of unique, one of a kind keys that cannot be replaced.

There are many more, such as the dust sprite, hoarding brownie (which lives down the back of the couch) and the muddy footprint monster...

ALL THESE CREATURES ARE CURRENTLY ENDANGERED - or at least they will be when I get my hands on the little buggers......

1 comment:

  1. Hahahahaha!!!!! Thanks for the arvo giggle!!!



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