Wednesday, 20 April 2011

Happy Easter - I'm Outta Here!

You heard right! I'm leaving *lalala!*

Excited much? Oh hell yes.....

We are going on holiday. Proper holidays too - with activities, and SPENDING MONEY.

I haven't had spending money for years... But I have been planning this trip since New Years so I was all prepared - I've been bill busting for the last few months and now have enough free play to pay only the absolute essentials this week. YIPPEE!

No doubt all the bills will arrive while we are away and be due the day after we return, but right now I really can't find my "giveashit" gene. It's run off with the "mummyguilt" hormone and I'm prepared to enjoy the hell out of this holiday!

WonderMan has promised I will actually get a holiday this time - instead of running around after everyone else while they are relaxing.... because usually when we are on holiday food is supposed to appear and beds be made without any effort on anyone's part....

So I won't be blogging until school resumes for Term Two (South Australian term that is). Try not to hit me in the arse with the champagne cork as I leave! 

Frog is snoring on the couch at the moment after a HUGE day today - we had a playdate with our favourite cousins this morning, neatly segued into a birthday party (for which I also had to bust out the glitter tattoos!) It was just all too much and now all I can hear is a snuffle every now and then. *Awww* 

Tiger is still up the road enjoying the party.... including a hilarious game of "Pin the lips on Justin Beiber"! 

BTW: Tiger HATES Justin Bieber. During parents night at her ballet class last week, while doing warm ups the teacher played his song and I swear Tiger was ready to walk away in disgust. She's more a Lily Allen kinda gal..... also quite partial to some Screaming Jets when she wants to rock out, so the B-Boy isn't really her thing (or anyone elses judging by the fake sick noises coming from the gaggle of girls this afternoon! )

Easter is almost here! 

And I'm still trying to find a pair of Jimmy Giggle's "Hoot" pyjamas for WonderMan. Let's face it, is there a mother out there who doesn't heart Jimmy? This is a man in yellow pyjamas who can keep the kids from under our feet while we cook dinner in (almost) blissful peace and serenity. Or, if you are like me - you place a WonderMan in the kitchen cooking dinner in blissful peace and serenity while you dance along with Giggle and Hoot's funky tunes...

I must remember to write and congratulate him on the "Bird Bath Boogie" - a song I could not get out of my head with a jackhammer, but one that I actually like at the same time. Pure genius!

It's time for me to pack lots of things we don't need and happily forget all the essentials - I call it a success if we get down the road with all family members on the first try!

Have a Happy Easter - and more importantly, if you are travelling, HAVE A SAFE EASTER. Wherever you are headed will not get up and walk away if you don't overtake that truck in the next five seconds, so don't be a DD (Dickhead Driver - Tiger's favourite word) and look after yourself and others on the roads.

Monday, 18 April 2011

Holiday Madness

I can't wait for school holidays to be over...

I may actually see my kids a little more often once school has resumed!

Our holiday diary is insane. I'm fitting playdates into the only 2 hour window I have on the few days we are available for playing. I'm getting up at 6:30am to get a head start on all tasks needing to be completed, and running the kids in a schedule so tight they think they have joined the army overnight!

Not only are we taking a break to the seaside for a week, Tiger has been invited to two birthday parties, and sleepovers at her GG Aunt's and Granny's houses; I have hours of sewing to do so I can launch my new project, and need to make the girls their winter jackets; WonderMan has to work for the first week, as well as mowing, edging, weeding and generally nuking the front yard so it stays relatively respectable while we are away.....

I think you get the picture...

Absolute bedlam in other words!

No sleep ins, no relaxing days in my pyjamas.... I'm cleaning, cooking, creating and crunching.

"Stomach crunching" that is. I would really rather be "chippy crunching" but after dropping weight in the last few months and starting to feel good about myself for the first time since Frog was born, I suddenly seem to be stacking on weight day after day.... 

Holidays mean a chance to walk every single day, and pushing a pram around the local pony club oval four or five times should slim some inches off my tubby thighs, and take some of the wobble out of my bingo wings!

When term time comes my body won't know what hit it. 

After training every day of the week when I was racing sidecars (pre Frog) there was not a single wobble, unless it was my lip when I (quite regularly) dropped my dumbells on my toe...

You can imagine that with a post baby, non-sporting, can't afford a gym membership and really love cheesecake, short-arse body, I'm not feeling exceptionally healthy, or slim. The muffin top has been super sized.... and I'm freaking out!

At the end of the holidays I'm going back to DANCING, and teaching at dance as well. I will also be attending group fitness sessions - I really can't make any more excuses considering they are all held within a 200m radius of my house, and at a reasonable hour of the morning too!

Frog is almost 2 but my body seems to have gone soft on me - literally.

Stay tuned - I will weigh myself before the new regime begins, and update you on my (hopefully brilliant, but most likely really slow and agonising) progress.

Wish me luck!

Friday, 15 April 2011

What Day Is It Again?

Are you sure?

And what have I forgotten?

I don't know what day it is, what I'm supposed to be doing (although I suspect it's housework so I'm not trying really hard to recover that portion of my memory), or where my kids are.

I assume Tiger is at school - either that or she has fossilised into her favourite reading cushion...

Frog is possibly at daycare - in fact I'm sure she is because there are no destruction type noises coming from the house, yard or car...

 I know WonderMan is at work because he rang me to say he wasn't doing any work was temporarily held up on a job. 

 And I have missed almost a whole week of blogging!

You must be devastated.....

Oh, would you like a glass of water? You seem to have a nasty cough there.

What was I saying?

 I tend to do this a lot. Random things I forget are (in no particular order):

  • The children - what they are doing and when. Happy that WonderMan arrives home around 4:10pm, so he can casually say "Where's Frog hiding?" and I can just as casually say "Oh, I was going to pick her up at 4:30 - would you like to get her?", while trying to pretend I knew she was there all the time.
  • What I am supposed to be doing, despite owning two diaries and a BlackBerry that beeps at me every five seconds. 
  • Cakes in the oven, after the timer has gone off and I think they need 5 minutes more... I am regularly saved by WonderMan popping into the kitchen and asking if the oven is meant to be on.
  • Turning the oven off. Generally sans cake.
  • Where things are - because noone puts anything away and I have to declutter and reorganise so often I haven't got time to get used to where things go.
  • Where my friends live - rather embarrasingly went out to a friends house recently, a place I have known since I was a little girl, and drove right on by only discovering I had over-shot their driveway when I came across a major junction (10 kms down the road...)
  • Taking Tiger to, and picking her up from ballet lessons - despite being in her seventh year of lessons, on the same day each week, at the same school, and despite me having attended lessons with the same teacher for twenty odd years before that.....
  • People's birthdays.
  • Meetings
  • Things I am supposed to take to work/meetings
  • Names - including my own. A terrible affliction that my boss at the bank never discovered... He didn't realise that I never actually spoke a customers name until I had peeped at their cheque. And being Hicksville native, I was well aware of how terribly embarrassing it would be to call Mr Smith "Mr Jones" and vice versa.
  • Anything for Tiger's school. Ever. 
Yes indeed. I am the mother running up to the office at lunchtime to deliver the lunch I forgot to pack. Or the note that needed to be returned yesterday. Or my child that I only just discovered in the bathroom.

I am the woman who will be required to bring something to a get together, and despite it being lodged in my BlackBerry with appropriate alarms and beeps, written in two diaries, copied to post it's and stuck on everything including my forehead - I will still arrive and when queried about said item will be "Oh s**t.... I forgot..."

I remember everything up until the minute I need to remember it. 

I cannot shop without a full menu plan and detailed shopping list. And I still visit the supermarket every day of the week.

I read my library books in less than a week but take eight weeks to remember to return them.

I'm sure I have forgotten something important....

Despite the picture of my home and myself inside my head being super organised, always creative and completely zen about all things life - the outside is running around like a chook without a head trying to remember to actually put clothes on before I go out the door in my pink owl nighty.

Despite my love of all things Katrina @ The Organised Housewife my household is regularly running on empty, and coming apart at the seams.

Apparently it runs in my family. My mum was the same - and only seems to be making progress now she and Pa are empty nesters.  

This doesn't give me a heck of a lot of hope for the next twenty years....

I'm still forgetting something....

Never mind.   

Saturday, 9 April 2011

Saturday Sillies

By the time I get this written it will probably be Sunday!

I've been putting off my blogging in favour of seriously kicking the housework in the butt. 

No, I didn't wear a dress (as posted yesterday) but I put on my one nice pair of jeans and a new t-shirt, and did my hair. Normally, I don't do my hair unless I know I'm going outside the house. It's a kind of reverse karma - if I don't do my hair surely someone will come to visit me, right?

Usually I'm wrong about this, and no doubt the one time it works it will be someone I REALLY  don't want to greet looking like a cockatoo that stuck it's head in a blackberry bush...

What was I saying?

Oh yes... housework. Wash, iron, cook, yell, sigh.... etc

I started timing myself today. By setting the timer and getting the job done before the timer goes off I don't get distracted and do part of a million jobs, I get the jobs I started, FINISHED. 

I went for a quick run around the house picking up dishes, bringing all the washing to the laundry, stripping beds, etc.

Things I learned on this dash around my house:

#1 - Everyone is sticking to the food rule - eating and drinking in the kitchen or at the dining table only. 

#2 - I am the only person in the house who either folds my clothes or puts them in the washing basket. Ditto with my PJ's folded on my pillow.

#3 - I'm still not getting through on the "Hang your towel up in the bathroom" wavelength. Damp carpets are not cool. Neither are damp corners of the bed where the towel has been draped on the bedpost so it's not on the floor therefor I can't complain..... logical in a stupid kind of way.

#4 - If it only took me two minutes to pick up papers and rubbish from every room in the house, and empty the bins..... why does my family procrastinate about the three seconds it would take to put the stuff in the bin in the first place?

#5 - We have the craziest collection of furniture I have ever seen. In fact, if I stripped and repainted each piece in my theme colours for each room we could create an ecclectic mix much like those seen in high end fashion magazines (where rich people try to look like they're poor... which I've never understood because I'm poor and I hate it...)

Fabulously stylish.... but I'd still rather be let loose in Ikea with a very large credit limit!

Tiger cooked chocolate cupcakes today, using her Granny's recipe. They are delicious, and I am finding it very hard to resist, but am keeping in mind that I need to stop munching and start ab-crunching

My mind wants to be skinny... my tastebuds say otherwise.

Frog is finally on the mend despite tummy bugs and spider bites. She is eating again - which means demanding sultanas 24 hours a day. This is as close to "normal" as she's going to get I suspect!

WonderMan was on loan today - to help friends move house. After moving house 5 times in three years, we know how much effort it takes, and are happy to lend a hand when anyone needs it. We have also had to do most of our moving by ourselves, with very little help, as friends always seeem to disappear when you are moving house, and reappear wanting to know when the "housewarming" is. 

It's almost Easter, and I'm groaing at the sight of all the chocolate in every store, and the million and one craft projects I come across every time I open a magazine. It's not that I don't like chocolate, in small dark doses, I just don't see the point of giving piles of it. It's only going to be eaten and regretted. And right now I don't have the time or the funds for fancy crafting.

With winter closing in, it's a great time of year for "Easter Bunny" to give us new winter pyjamas. The snuggly feeling lasts a lot longer than the chocolate! WonderMan better watch his cheekiness, or he's going to end up with a fluffy pink dressing gown with a rabbit on the pocket. Knowing him, he will probably wear it... especially when we have visitors... and bug me about my blue ducky one and how his bunny is much more sophisticated...

Maybe not such a clever idea after all!

Friday, 8 April 2011

Random Ramblings

I just realised many lovely followers I have!

Well thankyou for your support, and your lovely comments (even if I haven't got back to you all yet!)

I have been feeling pretty down lately, which has been obvious from my last few pasts bemoaning the state of, well, eveything. So today, with Frog feeling better and Tiger actually getting off to school on time for the first time this year, I thought it was about time I gave myself a bit of a butt kicking and got on with what needed doing. 

I was staring into my closet this morning and feeling so defeated by the fact that I've basically worn the last of my everyday clothes into the ground. I own two pairs of jeans, and one has a rip just under the back pocket so you can see the pretty pink granny knickers I'm wearing.... I have one shirt that is not stained, or out of shape. Most of them have become sheer - which I am assured is this seasons hottest trend, but I'm not about to test that theory.....

I was having a complete freak out about my wardrobe situation.....

But then I spotted them.... 

How could I forget these? 

My dresses!

I love dresses. And skirts. And silk shirts. And accessories. And shoes. And handbags. But most definitely dresses.

My wardrobe has been slowly depleting since I gave birth to Frog. With the continuing recession in our budget, and the fact that every piece has to be vetted by the "muffin-top-meter" I just haven't been able to buy new clothes of any kind. I was still wearing my stretchy maternity tops up until a week ago when I finally decided enough was enough and I threw them in the bin. 

But my dresses are still here - as beautiful as ever.

Some I have bought because I just couldn't resist, some I have owned for years but they always make me feel gorgeous whenever I put them on, some I have sewn with my own two hands. 

And I have been pushing them aside because they are my "good" dresses, for "going out in". 


Let me count the number of party invitations this month... NONE. And oh yes, NONE last month. And probably an equal number next month too. 

We're parents. We're not superstars who live a rich social life with an army of nannies to back us up. The last function we went to was a WonderMan work thing (for which I made myself a black and white satin dress) and at which WonderMan and I were overdressed, despite it being a formal event.  I was horrified by the complete lack of effort on anyone's part. Aparently in Hicksville, formal means your new pair of jeans with a niceish top. *UGH*

So I stood out like the proverbial dog's..... 

But after a while I didn't care. Because I realised that I looked great, and they looked like bogans. 

So I've started a better way of life today.

I wore my black and white dress, which goes from day to night with a simple change of accessories. 


I received so many compliments in one day I thought my ego might get too heavy to carry... And I'm going to do it again, tomorrow and the next day....

Every day is special - so live like it is!

I've stopped saving the good china for a dinner party - nowadays dinner with a friends is a bbq where kids can be free range.

I'm going to wear my favourite dresses and feel fab every day.

I'm going all retro housewife...  wearing pretty aprons and heels to cook dinner. Making sure my hair is curled and my lippies touched up before WonderMan walks in the door.

Tonight he almost turned around and left when he got home..... "Am I in the right house? I'm sure you are too beautiful to be mine...."

*That made my day*

Thursday, 7 April 2011


Frog is owchy today.

Just as I was about to walk out the door to take her to daycare... she started scratchng at a bite on her leg, and next minute was white as a ghost and throwing up.

Quick detour to the doctor and he checks out what seems to be a rather nasty spider bite. So back home to rest up on the couch in front of her favourite movies, and mum hoping to get somewhere in this wasteland we supposedly call "home". 

I don't feel particularly housewifey right now...

I want to go back to work. I want to make a financial contribution to our partnership again. I want to see real people that aren't on Facebook. I want to use my brain instead of singing "The Wheels On The Bus" one hundred times a day. I want to feel like I matter, and that I have a purpose in life.

I've just been knocked back from yet another job - despite being well qualified, and going back for two interviews. The feedback I received was "You were a really strong candidate but unfortunately we have not given the position to you this time." Whihc makes no sense because if I was such a strong freaking candidate why haven't I got the job?

Do I look wrong? Is it because I don't have on a Chanel suit and Jimmy Choo heels? 

Is there something in the way I speak? Do I snort when I breathe?

Is it because I have children, and despite having adequate care for them you think I'm going to be at home every second day because my kid's got the sniffles?

Does the fact that I am good at what I do, and intend to move up through the ranks, intimidate you?

Do I have spinach in my teeth?

WTF is wrong with me??

I'm almost at breaking point with this whole looking for work thing.I have written hundreds of cover letters, when I do manage to make it to an interview they (seem to be) pretty fabulous.... so what is this one thing that is kicking me in the butt? I can't find it, even after spending nights and nights awake taking every little thing apart over and over again.

I even was knocked back from one job (in the neighbouring Hicksville) because I would have to travel to work. Even though I made it quite clear I was happy to travel because I A) applied for the job, and B) made it quite clear to them that I HAD to travel because there was just no work in my Hicksville. That was the sole reason I didn't get the job and I felt royally ripped off.

I would sell my soul for a job right now. It's so unfair.

And every day I see local women working in new jobs, or three different jobs, or where their friends work, even though they don't have the qualifications, the experience, or anything except the right name. 

Small town syndrome makes me see red every day I have to live here. But so far even the major attempts to find a job where we can relocate have been totally unsuccessful. If you don't live there you aren't taken seriously.... you can't live there until someone gives you a job. 


I'm off to churn out another fifty cover letters, crack a bottle of chardy and hope things look sweeter tomorrow.

Wednesday, 6 April 2011

Cheapskate Tuesday

I did it again!

I scooted straight past Tuesday without even noticing. Maybe it's because it's the day before payday and I'm too stressed to realise...

I've been doing a bit of a roundup on our bills and debts this week. They are slowly but surely getting better. But the problem is, I keep having to add new ones. By the time I pay my (lovely and understanding) mechanic... I have a new bill from him because the other car has killed some essential part.  By the time I get last month's phone bill paid, this month's is overdue, and the next month's is bigger than ever (I'm naming and shaming you TELSTRA - you can't resist shortening my lifespan can you??)

It's a never ending juggle but I can report that I have finalised one bill that was on my list 3 months ago. Yep, you heard right. It takes me a minimum of 3 months to pay any new bill that arrives in my mail box at the moment. Because you have to pay everyone something all the time. You can't say "I paid screwyphone this fortnight, I will pay fossilfuels next fortnight, and kidwrangling the next." They want money paid by credit card, preferably yesterday, and they all want it at once, but for me, this is just not possible.

Have you had this conversation?

"Hi. My name is Stupidhead and I'm calling from Screwyphone to let you know about an overdue amount on your bill of $24,567.92. Can you pay this amount by credit card today Ma'am?"

(Now, not only do I hate telemarketers and call centres with people who freak out if you don't stick to the script.... I also find it extremely insulting to be called Ma'am. It's short for Madam. And I very definitely do not make enough money to be running a brothel, or you wouldn't be calling me about my bill.)

"No. I cannot pay this amount by credit card today. If I could have paid that amount by credit card today, I would have done it a week ago when it was due. Because I don't deliberately let my bills go overdue for the fun of it"

"Okay, Ma'am, when can you make a payment by?"

"The 24th."

"Of this month?"

"No, July 2015."

"We need to have this account cleared before your next one is due to arrive Ma'am, can we help you with a payment plan?"

"Yes, that would be fabulous."

"How much can you afford to pay us each week?"

"Ten cents."

"Unfortunately, the system won't allow me to enter that amount Ma'am, I'll give you the smallest repayments I can. Please hold"

*Irritating music while I wash dishes, make coffee, and suddenly realise I need to go to the toilet just as he comes back on the line*

"Okay Ma'am, I have set your repayment plan to suck up your husbands entire wage each week until your children leave home, leaving you enough to cover a weekly insurance plan for your funeral when you starve to death. Have a nice day Ma'am."


We are trying to reduce our bills. We don't have a mortgage, we use our phone's less and we combine them on a single bill to "give you great savings on your bills" (Telstra's BS department quoted there again...). We budget, we don't spend money on frivolous things, we don't have fancy furniture or a 3D tv. We certainly don't just ignore our bills so we can live the good life like so many people I know. 

I can't afford to get through the week, let alone buy clothes for my family. And in my little Hicksville all I have is a tiny charity store full of the same clothes it had when it opened in the eighties, so there's no chance of finding some vintage chic unless I can make a sick green pouffy bridesmaids dress into a fashion hit.

I have been able to turn old op shop finds into dresses and skirts for my daughter's before. And I'm quite good at taking in and reshaping, but you have to have something decent to work with to begin with. So whenever we go out of town I can be found scouring every charity store in sight to find something to sew into something else. 

My best find? Old curtains. Made out of the double lined, heavy fabric they use to make before everyone starting using blinds and redecorating every year. I found some with a retro design in colours that appealed to me and out of them I will (hopefully) end up with cushions, lampshades, place mats and pot holders. And anything else I can think of between now and when I finish using it all! This redecorate of my lounge/kitchen/dining spaces cost me?? 


Yay for thrift stores!

I also have a  recipe for you today. First thing I ever cooked in High School Home Ec - it's cheap and filling, and my whole family eats it.

Anything that is eaten by my whole family is cherished. Frog refuses to eat any vegies or fruit (except sultanas and watermelon, and only recently) so they have to be smuggled in; Tiger always hates something she has been eating for the last three years, and picks at her food like she's a vulture with culture; WonderMan is still being weaned off the sauce bottle....

Serve these with simple salad - lettuce, cucumber, carrot, tomato - winner every tme.


2 eggs (lightly beaten)
2 Tablespoons SR Flour

2/3 Cup grated cheese

 1 small onion (finely chopped)

1 Tablespoon chopped fresh parsely

Mix all ingredients together.

Heat 1Tbs butter in a frying pan, and get it sizzling but not burning. 

Drop tablespoons of mix into pan and fry until crisp and golden on both sides.

Drain on paper towel.

These disappear faster than I can cook them at home.

Maybe by sharing some of my ideas and recipes with you, I can help someone else feel better, even after dealing with Stupidhead from Screwyphone.  

Chin up chaps!



Nervous Breakdown # 2,143

Tiger was brought up with a single parent - me - (until WonderMan came along 3 years ago). I have never had the money to buy everything she wanted, or give her wardrobes full of clothes, or have the latest snack craze in her lunchbox. Even before Frog, when WonderMan and I were both working, we were comfortable, but we did not have stacks of disposable (read WASTABLE) income.

 I brought her up to respect everything we owned, and look after the beautiful things she was given. And I have always rewarded that by giving her things that are excellent quality. As an example: I didn't buy the cheap plastic train set from the $2 shop - I saved my pennies and bought the fancy schmany Thomas the Tank Engine wooden train set. Only MONTHS later there was a wooden toy revival where you could suddenly buy a great little wooden train set in any store for a reasonable price (I was incredibly mad when this happened after spending the equivalent of a months grocery budget on the bloody thing.... and then realising the reasonably priced one won't interchange with my Thomas bits... so I have to keep spending ridiculous amounts to expand ours).

 Tiger has always had everything she needs, and is given lovely presents and books - very rarely does anyone in the family give her cheap junk, because they know it will be looked after. 


I'm suddenly telling my family to give her the cheapest, nastiest present they can because she will trash it before the cake is eaten. It will be thrown in a corner, tied up with wool, have little pieces cut off of it, be drawn on, left on the floor, have a milo cup left on it for a week..... you get the picture.

This has been a slow downhill slide, with the brakes failing around about a year ago, since when we have been hurtling down the slope like a rocket sled. 

She refuses to look after anything. She climbs on the furniture, cuts up paper or corners out of her bed sheets, she draws on absolutely everything - including walls. Everything she owns is thrown on the floor. If you ask her to clean her room she will literally sit in the corner all day and not come out to eat or play - but she will not have moved ONE SINGLE PIECE OF THE MESS. 

Her answer to my demands to know why she won't put anything where it belongs, or obey the rules of the house is "I don't want to." Add to this the fact that she doesn't ask for anything - she takes and does what she wants because "I want to." and you can see why my hair is falling out.

Pleas for help from many, many people just gets me rolled eyes and "All kids are like that". Well, you know what? NOT ALL FREAKING KIDS ARE LIKE THAT.  

THEIR FERAL KIDS are like that because they never taught them any better, because they are lazy, self absorbed wankers, who would like nothing better than to be able to afford boarding school so they never have to actually engage with their children.

MY CHILD was taught better. She was taught to put things away, to respect her own and others property, to be respectful to her parents, relatives, friends and teachers.

The only one who I know is getting any respect is her teacher. Apparently the rest of us can go to Hades in her book.

She used to be fine. She had pushy days like any kid, but on balance she was polite, well behaved, friendly and a joy to spend time with.

Now she sulks permanently. I'm serious. The only time she smiles is when everyone falls at her feet and showers her in gifts (but only if it's a gift she wants.... if not... she is likely to sulk at the person who gave it to her and say "Whaddya gimme that for?" while I die a thousand deaths inside...)

I live every day with a girl I detest. I love her always, I try to talk to her, I give her time with just me, doing things she likes, but it ends up a miserable experience. Everything suggested is met with a sulk. When asked what she wants to do we get "Nothing.... " yet two hours later she will be bawling her eyes out that we never spend any time with her, and she never gets to do anything she wants. 

I expected a little Frog jealousy. I appreciate that even I get sick of the free range toddler experience, and it does have an impact on Tiger. WonderMan and I make time for family, time for each of the kids on their own, and each other. Yet any time spent with Tiger (alone or in a group) is likely to result in hospitalisation for extreme blood pressure and a $1000 dental visit from grinding our teeth so hard.

We have tried:

  • gentle reminders about behaviour/tasks
  • rewards programs (at least twenty different types)
  • ignoring the bad and praising the good
  • removing possessions whhich are not looked after or put away
  • refusing to do things for her (ie you don't want to do ___ for me, I don't want to do ___ for you)
ETC, ETC, ETC..... You can give her any consequence, she will shrug her shoulders and mutter "I don't want that toy/that reward/clean clothes anyway". You can offer any incentive - she just doesn't care.

She refuses to get dressed and ready in the mornings.  I have to wrestle a nine year old into her clothes, or drag her up the road after finally losing it and making her go to school on time, whether she is still in her pj's or not. She refuses to brush her teeth, wash her hair, or wash her face twice a day. She refuses to do anything for us, or with us - even things she has been asking to do - when we make time to do them with her when she will sulk and refuse to do it.

I don't know if it stems from issues with Frog, WonderMan, me or her useless piece of pond scum who is registered on her birth certificate. I don't know why she is suddenly refusing to smile at or even look another child in the eye when she has always had plenty of friends. I have tried every way I can of getting her to talk to me. I have always been there to talk to at any time of the day and night, and I have never put her off when she did want to tell me something important. If I was on the phone or doing something I would put it down immediately for her to talk to me. Now her replies are "nothing" "fine" "okay". I've always tried to give her encouragement, praise and a feeling of self worth, and avoided put downs. I tell her I love her every day even though I want to slap her until she loses the attitude. 

I have sought advice from family, friends, counsellors, child behaviour experts. All of them tell me she is going through a "stage" and she will "grow out of it". By the time they deliver this verdict I am usually spitting "She has been IN THIS STAGE FOR THREE F***ING YEARS! HELP ME!!" from between clenched teeth.

Does anyone else live like this? I am actually starting to believe in changelings - because this is a monster, and nothing like the child I raised. 

Tiger's behaviour and attitude is impacting on our family relationships, and especially on Frog's behaviour. I know she's a toddler, but screaming and throwing herself against the wall instead of letting me put her clothes on is pretty damn extreme, and has only happened since Tiger's mornings got really bad.

I've had enough.

My heart is breaking every day... and I'm running out of time to get my child back.

Sunday, 3 April 2011

Stuff I Like

A tour of (some) of the stuff I like...

For no other reason than that I want to share.


I am addicted to rainbows. Have been since I was little. In fact, my mother kept one of my "free writing" books from my first two years at primary school. After you wrote about what you did on the weekend, or why you like cats... you were allowed to draw a picture.

Every single page has a rainbow on it. An attempt to get me to look outside my comfort zone resulted in a rainbow coloured cat.


See "rainbows" above. These allow me to make everything rainbow coloured because I have a slight nervous breakdown whenever a woman's magazine quiz asks me pick a favourite colour... they are also good for writing lists and ticking in contrasting colours, because I can.


WonderMan hasn't realised that Spotlight is a decoy. I go there because if I went to a stationery store I would seriously think about buying the whole business and would later be found screaming "Noooooo! You can't take the last purple Artline finewriter! It's not for sale! It's a family heirloom!" and frightening the life out of anyone silly enough to cross the door of my private heaven.

When ordering stationery and office supplies, it must be a fresh and funky design, and come in every colour of the rainbow.


Particularly this beach. I was born in a small town way too far from the beach. Going on my annual holiday is coming "home". I have salt in my blood and still have my four year old dream of living by the sea and surfing every morning.

I can't surf. I've never had a chance to learn, because a five day holiday once a year does not give me time to take serious lessons. And I seriously want to do it properly.


Specifically other people's. Because they are so snuggly, they aren't hurtling around at top speed like my toddler and attempting to break the face to floor speed record, and I can hand them back when things go pear shaped. When they squawk... back they go. And I am left with a glowing feeling of snuggly.

I'm not in any way broody. I am quite vocal in my wishes to never ever again be put in the hands of a sadistic midwife who just finished her apprenticeship with Satan. I am considering having a t-shirt made that says (in huge neon letters) "Been there, have the scars and the uncontrollable facial tics..." so people (namely the Wonder Family) get the bloody picture. But I'll happily snuggle someone else's baby for a minute or ten.

Saturday, 2 April 2011

Saturday Sillies

Well I've had a glass of wine already... so silly is right!

This week has been long and draining, with Frog so sick she wouldn't fall into a deep sleep, even overnight, and couldn't get any rest.

That meant I was running on complete autopilot, and getting through the days using dry shampoo and shower-in-a-can because my neck ornament would not let go long enough for me to actually have a REAL shower.

This posed a few problems, housework wise. 

Jolene over at Jolene's Mumbo Jumbo has been busily dusting and decluttering this week following the lovely Katrina's task lists (The Organised Housewife). And Jolene, you thought your week was tough. So far I haven't got past task one on Monday - "Shower and dress yourself". PJ's have become the new black. I even did a sneaky sneak mid week - my jammies have a t-shirt top, and I needed milk, so I jammed on the first pair of jeans I could find in the laundry basket and did a quick run to the supermarket in (you guessed it) my jammie top and bed hair. For anyone that knows me this is almost as low as it gets - only trackpants and Crocs rate lower on the *cringe-worthiness* scale.

So now Frog is better I thought I might do some clutter busting...

I chose something simple *cough* that wouldn't take long *splutter*. I decided to tackle Tiger's bedroom *head slap*

An hour after entering the twilight zone, I had found the top of her dressing table, and had a washing basket full of stuff, and a half full bin bag.

Yes, I was guilty of it in my time too. And yes, my mother had to threaten me with the garbage bag and the age old "Ten minutes or everything on the floor goes in here" routine. So it's really just karma kicking my butt. 

But really.... does she need to keep every sliver of paper she has ever cut out of a paper snowflake? Or the little sticky stencil looking thingos that are left after you use all the stickers on a sheet? I'm sure I used to at least throw that junk away... (is that my mother I can hear snorting in the background? Probably.) 

This is as far as I have made it today, as I had more important stuff to do, like baking, and drinking coffee while eating said baking. 

WonderMan has been buzzing around happily with the lawnmower and pruning the weeds into topiary shapes so it looks like we actually pay some attention to our rental garden. 

The front is full of succulents which are not only ugly, but whose only true "gardenesque" friends are some roses someone planted ten years ago in the only nice lawny like patch, and then never pruned or looked after at all. To be honest I cried when I saw the state of those poor roses when I moved in. I have killed numerous garden plants, but my roses get better healthcare than the average Aussie. 

Besides the gardening, he's also done all the washing, tidied the house, and washed my baking dishes. This left a friend of mine (who popped over for coffee and baking goodies) turnly slightly green and wanting to know why all males of the species weren't like mine. 

Well, ladies, he wasn't always like this..... but I have discovered the secret to having your own organic, free-range dishwasher....

It's simple... but it works....

Always do your ironing in sexy undies and a killer pair of heels.... 

He will be yours to command...