Monday, 31 October 2011

It's Official - It's The Hubby's Fault

WonderMan has been gone for a week now. In this week I have discovered some very interesting things. The most interesting of these is that it is hubby's fault. All of it.

You know what I'm talking about when I say there is never enough time, there kids make such a mess, the housework never ends..... etc, etc and so on.

And most of us believe it's caused by the arrival of our children. And the extra work required when you become a mummy.

Blame the children no longer..... for I have discovered the REAL time-suck.

The sock eater.

The multiple towel user.

The mess megapode.

It's Hubby.

In one week I have spring cleaned my entire house from top to bottom.

I have sorted cupboards and put things in their places.

It was like a kind of reverse nesting after WonderMan left, my way of settling myself into this new way of life we are stuck in until the end of the year.

Since then:

I have not found a single odd sock. They all match. I'm sure WM would take apart perfectly good pairs of socks and wear them separately just to annoy me.

I had three towels in my washing basket. Not THREE LOADS of towels which is my regular count. In fact, there were only three loads in total this week. I previously could be found doing three a day.

Stuff is still where I left it. Every time I want it. Because it gets put away.

 I have been asking for the swing seat to go on the deck since we moved here exactly a year ago. So to mark the anniversary I put it there myself. And it fits fine, and will not bang the house unless one of the kids tries to do a loop-de-loop with it. Contrary to advice from the Procrastination King who insisted it would not fit. HUH.

I have not discovered a single destroyed or badly treated household item. Everything I own is still intact. Including the stuff the toddler can reach.

The cupboard in the hallway gathered dust because of the absence of folded clothes that used to sit there for weeks on end. I had to dust it for the first time ever.

There are no clothes on my bedroom floor. The corner of my bed is no longer permanently damp from the towels that were hung on it every single day.

My kitchen looks a lot bigger. This may have something to do with the "Dishes Mountains" which seem to have vanished. And I have a very shiny sink.

I am enjoying a minimum of 7 hours blissful and uninterrupted sleep a night. With only one very slight nudge from Frog when she hops in for "Mummy cuddles" at 3am. 

My yard no longer contains "feature weeds". 

My car is not a travelling junk drawer.

The list could go on and on... but it all boils down to the fact that I have two kids, a job, a house to run, and plenty of extras thrown in as well.... and it's all getting done.

My parents came over for dinner last night, and my mum told me "I think this is the neatest I have ever seen this house!" 

So there you have it. It's not the kids, it's hubby.

And I'm getting quite anal about my space now. I'm liking this new state of affairs so much I'm starting to wonder if I really want to share a house with him again.

I'm seriously considering renting a house with a granny flat so I can make him live there so as to not mess up my house.

Sorry dear, I hope you don't mind sleeping in the shed, it's not me, it's you, and your ten towel a week habit. Tell you what, $1000 dog can share with you and then you won't get cold mkay?

Saturday, 29 October 2011

HTML Madness!

I am not geeky.

I am a bookworm, yes. I read the newspaper and inhale current affairs like air. I got A's in everything without much trying, but I am not so good at the whole computer thingo. 

So blogging is hard work for me.

Well not the actually writing bit, because Blogger lets me do it the sucky ten year old way (um.... probably a 10 year old could code better than me... but anyway...)

But the pretty-ing-up bit. And yes I made up that very hyphenated word all by myself.

It's probably because we never had a computer at home. In year 7 my family were given a very very old Apple computer on par with the dreaded Commodore 64.

And none of us could use it.

And the printer didn't work.

Also at school that year the computer room full of Commodore 64's was replaced by a room full of shiny new IBM's, which my class installed.

And I loved every drawn out second of cables and "booting up" and installation of programs.

You would think that would give me the kick in the pants to become an expert wouldn't you? To say, "Hey, I'm really good at this maybe I should do it to make money and be rich and own a Triumph?" But no, I didn't, because my IT teacher I copped in Year 10 was a complete and utter arse who thought I was "wasting his time" before I even stepped through the door, for no apparent reason.

And we still only had the shitty old Apple at home.

Which I learned to program by absorbing the entire manual as my reading matter for a fortnight. That thing was MASSIVE. If I had hit someone with it they would have needed some serious head wound attention.

I learned the finer points of floppy disk usage.

I played Frogger until my eyes burned.

I coded pictures made up of teeny tiny blocks.

But I never got that damn printer to work, despite many frustrated hours sobbing "but the book said this would woooooork!"

And now, I have entered the world of blogging, where everyone's blog looks super duper awesome and mine looks like a child found a space to type some stuff.

I started off with my super old IBM, which I think was one of the originals I installed in the computer room at school... I named him "Dinoputer".

Dinoputer got me through the first few months of my blog when I didn't really care what it looked like as long as it didn't crash before I pressed the Publish button.

But now I have a reasonably decent computer capable of much more than even I can dream (but probably was outdated before it reached me).

So I have pulled up my princess pants and told myself I can learn HTML code.

And how to make banners and stuff.

So I might not have much to say this weekend, while I grapple with learning a whole new language.

I will see you on the other side.......

P.S. I have managed to resize and line up all the pretty buttons on my sidebar so Glowless might read my blog...... and because I have to admit, I like things neat and I cringed at the mess every single day. They look much better now, no?

Friday, 28 October 2011

Oh For Fucks Sake Friday!

Today is complete and utter shit.

So FFS Friday has definitely arrived RIGHT ON TIME!

You can linky your post by clicking on the cranky baby below, and visiting the awesome Dear Baby G

Dear Baby G

That baby looks like I feel.

And now I hear you asking, what has given me the shits this week?

This week has mostly gone okay but I seem to have come to the end of my housewifely, reverse-nesting type stint since WonderMan left on Monday, and now I don't want to do it, I don't care and I wish it would just all go away. FFS.

I have three months of this feeling to go. FFS.

This weekend is the only chance we have to travel the six hours one way to see him before he goes right over west for harvest and due to pay not happening as normal, I have $20 with which to buy food and nappies for three days. This is not going to end well. FFS.

Someone told me "there's always next week" and I felt like smacking them in the face because there isn't next week actually because I have extra dance practice on the Sunday and fitting in twelve hours of driving with two fighting kids between 9pm Thursday and 8am Sunday does not for a sane person make. FFS.

Plus I really needed some time where the kids annoyed someone else for 24 hours, not a weekend of trying to make dinner out of a box of Jatz. FFS.

I have been trying to sell my car for seven weeks now and I have had enough. I am asking below red book price because it doesn't owe me anything, and I have had to put up with so much bullshit the next tyre kicker may find his head shoved fair up his own arse! FFS.

I wasted three weeks on someone who didn't bid on my car on eBay, then wanted it desperately, and then bought a different one after wasting DAYS asking me if every nut and bolt was entirely complete, and the same questions multiple times, and had the gall to tell me I didn't get back to him quickly enough. He got a rather pointed email where I just managed to stay on the side of outraged but not abusive. Just. FFS.

It's been a whole week, and even those "friends" who knew exactly when WonderMan was leaving have not once called, messaged, or dropped in to see me. I am completely and utterly alone and nobody gives a shit. FFS.

These are the same people who tell me "But why? We are going to miss you! But you have so many good friends here!" when told we are leaving. 

I spent Wednesday over at my mother's house vacuuming and looking after the baby because I feel sorry for her and I know full well she can't do everything. Even when I am doing just as much as her and with two children, and I've been doing it for a damn sight longer and with a lot less support than she has right now, and she's actually supposed to be helping me. Huh. FFS.

This morning Tiger and Frog screamed at each other non stop. Even seeking each other out to make fights to scream about. And after Frog scaled Tiger's bookshelf for the third time I lost it and screamed too. FFS.

When I went to mum's to have a sob she told me how hard her life is. So I felt bad and didn't tell her all of it. And then when I drove away I thought - Hang on, you have to look after a baby that is in daycare more than my toddler, who is happy and sleeps perfectly, and YOU have it tough? Then I shut myself in my bedroom and cried for the rest of the morning. FFS.

Now I feel like a crappy mother, a whiner, and a sook. And I really don't want to be stuck in this house all weekend with the climbing monster from hell. FFS.

Oh and finally, it is against the law for me to king hit my sister apparently.

I am off to cadge $20 off my dad for nappies and some cheapo wine.

And, just maybe, I will be able to keep it together until Monday.

I hope so.

Tuesday, 25 October 2011

Hey, It's Okay!


There's lots of things to be okay about today:

Like blogging while my cleaner washes my floors,

Being strong-willed enough to chop up an apple to have with my salad sandwich, instead of hightailing it to my favourite cafe to have a peri peri wrap,

Wearing my favourite racing t-shirt because I miss my motorbike,

Missing WonderMan,

While feeling guiltily grateful that since he's been gone my house looks nice,

Wanting the grass to grow faster so I can use his whipper snipper I gave him for his birthday,

Not speaking to The Bitch because she didn't speak to me, which is much nicer than the threats she spews at me whenever I am not around,

Being excited about Frog's 11 hour sleep marathon last night, considering the slim chances of it ever happening again, I may as well enjoy my five minutes of non-sleep deprived sanity.

Not understanding how people can be so dirty. Seriously, you sit on your fat arse all day, living off the nation's workers, gobbling the town's entire supply of chips and coke, and you can't wash your clothes more than once a month? 

And most of all I'm okay about giving dad my free coffee because it's his birthday today. 

Which really was a peace offering because, being at official retirement age, I gave him a Seniors Card application form as well, and he couldn't hit me with a coffee in his hand.


That's what daughters are for.

You're welcome Dad.

Monday, 24 October 2011

Tell me again why this was a good idea?

It's moments like now that I wonder if what I am doing is really the best thing.

WonderMan went away today. 

He's gone up north to drive a truck, and I'm in little old Hicksville waiting for the year to end.

There was a lot of thinking and agonising before we made this decision. We determined it was better that Tiger finish her year at school before we moved, so we could keep things as settled and "normal" as possible, giving her plenty of time to come to terms with the changes ahead.

It feels like a really stupid decision when I'm alone in my bed.

When every noise and bump makes me go rigid with fear.

Just tiny background noises, that are there every night, and of which, up until now, I was blissfully unaware.

I am no longer protected, I am the protector, and I'm freaking out at every moment.

WonderMan and I have not spent much time apart in the last four years. And I've got used to him walking in the door every night, and rubbing my feet after dance classes to make me feel better.

I feel like a little piece of my soul is missing.

I know that there is a finite time to wait. But right now it could be all of eternity.

Every since he drove away this morning, and after five minutes Frog asked "Where Daddy?" I've been worrying about whether this was such a good idea.

I knew it wasn't when I realised I have to do the dishes, because my sexy dishwasher is 600kms away.....

Sometimes I can be so stupid.

Friday, 21 October 2011

For Fucks Sake Friday!

Kudos goes to Dear Baby G, whose invention of FFSFriday is, as she so eloquently puts it, "cheaper than MOFO therapy"

Sit back and enjoy the ride.

We went away on the weekend, and two hours into the trip I got a phone call about something I knew needed to happen, but which was horrible anyway. Way to ruin a weekend. FFS.

I had to pick WonderMan up part way along the drive and even though I stopped for an entire twenty seconds, Frog woke up and instead of going back to sleep, she annoyed Tiger and they fought and whined for the next two and a half hours. FFS.

I did a super quick run through at Maccas to get the kids some Smurfy, Happy Meal "lets stop fighting now" goodness, and grabbed something to keep me from fainting away. They BURNT MY FRIES. FFS.

The map app on WonderMan's iPhone took us a different way to last time, so we got lost within the last 500m of the trip. Including a fascinating circuitous route around Yatala Labour Prison. Interesting, but still... FFS.

I discovered I have become a super lightweight drinker and one glass of fruity beer made my head swim. I need some serious training so I don't fall over embarrassingly at DPCON12 in March, but I probably will anyway... FFS.

I forgot to go to the Typo shop when I was at Harbour Town. Like, where did my brain go? FFS.

As we prepared to drive home from our weekend, I got a phone call to say $1000 dog had decided to crap inside overnight, and instead of on the tiles, in the kids CARPETED bedrooms where he has never gone before. FFS.

Inspection of site revealed we had a prowler that night and dog had been going spastic while walking in aforementioned crap. FFS.

Two Kirby shampoos later and they are only just smelling like bedrooms again. FFS.

I had a rental inspection Wednesday. I went through half a bottle of Febreeze that morning... FFS.

WonderMan wiped the frypan with my brand fucking new Ikea teatowels. Which are now ruined. I have plunged them into a soaking bucket in the hope I may be able to salvage them but cream fabric with big, smudgy, oily stains do not mix. FFS.

I didn't know until this morning so the stains have had all night to set. FFS.

I only discovered it when I went to wash two days of dishes that WonderMan has been "forgetting", even though he would need a forklift to clear enough space to make his lunch in the mornings. FFS.

When I lost my shit about him wrecking everything nice that we have (which he DOES btw, especially if I am said owner....) he responded with "What's your problem? Shit you're moody, have you got your period?"

F. F. S.

What gave you the shits this week?

PS. I have a husband for sale. 
Or giveaway. 
Shit, right now I would pay you to take him away.

Dear Baby G

Thursday, 20 October 2011

The Ikea Edition

Yep, you heard right, I finally went to Ikea.

It was heaven, in a big blue bag...

WonderMan has been laughing at my obsession with the Ikea catalogue, especially my distress when I realised they wouldn't send one to Hicksville and I would have to make do with online. Online?? Don't they understand the insane pleasure of flipping through glossy pages filled with joy?

After an intervention from my cousin who gave me TEN COPIES of my very own, I have hardly put it down and have been counting days until our weekend shopping trip.

On the weekend I packed the car, packed the kids, and remembered to pick WonderMan up along the way to the city, four hours away. We stayed with my cousin and her gorgeous family, which meant the kids entertained each other, while we adults (oh and WonderMan too) could enjoy a beer with fruit in.

That's right, classy beer. I'm in love.

Saturday was planned quite simply - I didn't care what anyone else did I was going shopping.

And I did.


And then some more.

And I bought home several pairs of shoes. Just because I could.

Best sandals EBBER!

Oh yeah... I did.... WM stopped whining about that point...

After filling up half the car I decided to fill it up some more by visiting Ikea on our way back across the city.

WonderMan was giving me the "why is this so bloody important look as he pulled us up into a car park right across from the front door. How the hell does he do that?

It was a different story once we got to the best revolving door in the universe.

"This is the coolest door ever, I love Ikea!"

The words "I told you so..." didn't even register as he beamed up at the escalator and took off while I was trying to find my list (yeah, I had a list, because my credit card would have melted if I hadn't)

By this stage we had cranky kids and I just wanted to get in and get out, but no, WonderMan bounced on every bed, sat on every chair, and poked in all the little set up kitchens, exclaiming "Look at how everything fits! This is soooo cool!" At every opportunity.

We let the kids pick a new bedspread each, but there seemed to be some extra things in my trolley...

A WonderMan discovery.
He found a nightlamp for Frog - "This is so cute, she needs a lamp...."

Yes, they are those "weird" lamps
As well as the lamps he told me were "weird" and "stupid" at various times, until he saw them in the display and said "There's those cool lamps!" Heh.

His babies.
 Oh yes, he's most excited about these. I have been going on and on about trying to find nice, smallish canisters so I can keep my coffee and stuff on the windowsill instead of the pantry, and he found the perfect jars.

He gets excited every single time he sees them, and repeats inane things like "They are really cool jars, wasn't I clever finding them?"

I generally pat him on the shoulder (i can't reach his head, unless I wear my new heels...) and murmur praise, which keeps him basking in the glow of his own cleverness and I can nick off quietly...

His only complaint? When we got to the stand of kitchen timers someone (ahem - cousin of mine) had already set them all before he got there!

So all in all, a successful weekend. Now if you will excuse me, I have some classy beer to enjoy......

Tuesday, 18 October 2011

Hey It's Okay!

Seriously glad I have HIOKTuesday to keep me occupied today, because there are so many things to be said, so jumbled and messy in my head, and that's not even including the things I'm not allowed to say at the moment....

SO a very big virtual thankyou hug goes out to Amber @ Airing My Dirty Laundry for Hey It's Okay Tuesday!

I love her because she named her daughter Natalie. Could she have any more style?

Today I'm struggling to be okay about anything much.

So #1 on the list today:

It's okay to order a third mocha because everyone knows great coffee is essential to great blogging.

It's okay to keep justifying my mocha obsession this way because it means I get to my free coffee quicker. And then I can tell WonderMan it was FREE. Which is not technically a lie.

It's okay to go out claiming I have done housework, even if all I have done is made the beds.

It's okay to do all the rest of the housework at 9pm tonight because I have a rental inspection tomorrow.

And it's definitely okay to justify this by claiming the kids would have messed it up anyway.

It's okay to be dreaming of packing boxes and moving trucks, and foreign countries with better shopping. It makes a change from drive by shootings and petrol bombs....

It's okay to wonder if it really is necessary to finish the year in this god forsaken hick town.

And it's probably okay to question the logic of it being "better for the kids", or more stable, or whatever stupid thing we said to make the decision seem right.

It's okay to want to shout at everyone because I've done what's bloody right, and what needed to be done for the safety of the most innocent of lives.

And right now it's okay to be petrified to be out of my house, but to be here anyway because I WILL NOT allow anyone to threaten me.

It's okay to snigger at the girl who took my old job because she seems to think white tracksuits with chandelier earrings are the height of fashion...

It's definitely okay to do this while standing behind her in line to order my third mocha.

In fact, I don't really care if it's okay or not, I don't like her.

And I'm okay with that too.

Also joining with Diary of a SAHM for IBOT, for the first time!

Friday, 14 October 2011

For Fucks Sake Friday!

Oh yes indeedy, it is Friday, which means linking up with the gorgeous Dear Baby G for the newest highlight of my week (yep, I'm that lame) FFS Friday!

Sooo... what could possibly have given me the shits more than last week?

WELL... sit back and enjoy...

Mum picked up Tiger for a sleepover Sunday night, and within an hour had to call me to pick her up because The Bitch was behaving so badly she had made them all cry, including my beautiful girl. My rage knows NO BOUNDS.

Frog has hit the next stage of being stuck between 2 and 3, by screaming like a banshee at regular intervals all. day. long.

Frog has also decided that henceforth she will be referred to as "SuperGiggle!" which would be fine except she has stolen my very expensive and quite favourite scarf to be her cape, and refuses to take my offer of trade for a tea towel.

WonderMan has been promising to wash and vacuum the car for weeks now so yesterday I took the car to the carwash and paid up so I could make it all clean and sparkly. Then I came home and removed half the contents of my children's bedrooms. Then I vacuumed. At which point WonderMan and his boss appeared home from work and as I was vacuuming the last square inch of the car, he said "Would you like me to do that for you?"

After ringing me twice yesterday to give me the rundown on how his plan for our trip was going to go, including packing his bag as soon as he got home from work, the King of the Procrastinators (aka WM) was ten minutes away from being picked up this morning when he took his life into his own hands and said "You will pack a bag for me today won't you?"
(FYI - I gave him a firm no, much of which rhymed with truck...)

I bought the cutest pair of earrings ever, little roses in teal blue, and after one whole day of wearing them my earlobes are now all red, puffy and crusty.

After congratulating myself for the fabulous way I was looking after my skin, and having a completely pimple free period, I woke up yesterday with a post-menstrual breakout that rivals some of my worst teenage years.
F.  F.  S.

While attempting to limit breakout damage I may have found a wrinkle.

If you need me this weekend I will be shopping. I may tweet you in between shops when I come up for air and wine.

If you miss me, pop over to visit Dear Baby G who started all this FFS palaver and who probably feels MUCH better now she has read this, no?

And don't forget to visit Parental Parody who has generously saved a place for me by her side at DPCON12, and whose wine cask handbag I doth covet.

Also linked with the always gorgeous Glowless for Flog Yo Blog Friday. Because I'm a blog flogging whore like that.

Peace out xx

Dear Baby G

Thursday, 13 October 2011

Thankful Thursday

Thankful Thursday is good for me. I am a natural anal nitpicker, I can see what hasn't happened and what I haven't achieved but barely notice the result of my hard work!

Checking in every week to be thankful is starting to make me see the good bits amidst the chaos.

So this morning I'm thankful for:

Getting some ironing done. The tub was waaaay too full and even though I love ironing it's one of those jobs that comes way down the list of priorities on a daily basis.

Having a free coffee on my cafe card. So today my mocha will taste better than ever!

Frog not being sick after all. When she started snuffling I thought the worst, and was just starting to consider the criteria of daycare vs staying home. Turns out it was a snuffle, and she's fine. Which means I am fine, and I can drink my mocha in peace.

WonderMan letting me get an iPad. Why so thankful? Because of the enormous pleasure it gives me to annoy The Bitch, and baby, this is going to annoy her so much she may actually explode (please?)

Having my own house to live in with my little family. Because it means I don't have to put up with anyone's shit, and I can make the rules. It also means there is somewhere for mum to go to retain her sanity over cups of strong coffee, and slices of cake.

School holidays. Because I actually get to see Tiger most days. There are only so many hours she can spend reading in her room before she must emerge for food, and then I can corner her into spending some time with me.

SPRING. Because I know that at some point it is going to warm up and I will be able to feel my toes again. It gives me a tiny wee shred of hope that the cold. will. stop.

Aunties and pasties. Nothing better than a plate of nice warm pasties for dinner. Especially when cooked by someone else!

My job. Which this week is sponsoring my first shopping trip in YEARS. I may have to leave the kids behind just to fit it all in the car. Which will of course devastate me, but I'm sure the shopping will more than make up for it.

Shops, and credit cards. Nuff said.

Cousins. Well only one actually, but one good enough to make up for all the rest. Her kids are funny, and when they see our kids they play. Nicely. With no fighting. Believe me, I'm overwhelmingly grateful for this!

Rice paper rolls. Well I would be, if I actually got to eat the damn things! I've been trying to buy a roast chicken at the supermarket ALL WEEK. Every single time I go there they have sold out, it will be 45 minutes, or the damn serving girl can't see them because her head is up her arse.

But I'm sure I will be very thankful once I do finally get to make them.

Are you thankful today?

Linking up with Kate Says Stuff for Thankful Thursday!

Monday, 10 October 2011

By my bedside...

By my bedside is ALWAYS and without fail a pile of books.

Sometimes quite a strange mix of books, but always lots.

I need to read like I need to breathe. It has been the one true constant in my life.

I use reading for therapy, escape, relaxation, laughter, learning.....

This week I've finished: The Little Coffee Shop of Kabul

See it here, via Booktopia

An absolutely beautiful book that made me cry with heartbreak, but also challenged and inspired me.

The startlingly different stories of five women who meet at a coffee shop in Kabul, itself a world away from my life and experience. Written beautifully, and while dealing with some confronting things at times, it never makes you want to pull back.

Thanks to my mum for giving it to me, it was worth the late nights!

I'm currently reading:

The Minutes of the Lazarus Club by Tony Pollard

Find it on Amazon

This one was picked up on a whim as I was about to leave the library, and yet is the one I'm enjoying most so far.

Set in London in 1857, amid some of the biggest social and industrial changes of the Victorian era, and written in the first person through the eyes of Dr George Phillips, a new member of the Lazarus Club which includes the likes of Charles Darwin and his contemparies.

I'm finding it extremely well written and hard to stop reading at times. Detailed, but not enough to bore me into putting it down. Although I do think I will need a lesson in history as there are so many industrial milestones that have fascinated me and I wamt to find out more!

What I have lined up next:

I Shall Wear Midnight by Terry Pratchett

Random House - find it here

Along with it's predecessor Wintersmith.

I Shall Wear Midnight is the latest in the Tiffany Aching novels, set in the Discworld, and written for teens, but I'm a Discworld junkie, and who could not feel brighter after a dose of the Mac Nac Feegles?

I may have to fight Tiger to get first read of this one, as she is very pointedly watching the mailbox these school holidays in the hope she gets to it first!

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, get thee to a library and read thee some Discworld! Life is not complete without it!

What's by your bedside this week?

Sunday, 9 October 2011

Stuff on Sunday

I have managed to spring clean half my house this weekend - considering WonderMan worked all Saturday this was pretty awesome. #WIN

I didn't have to tell the kids to "stop FIGHTING!" more than twice today. And then mum picked up Tiger so I only have the stubborn Mistress Frog to deal with. #WIN

My roses are flowering! Lookit!

My first Peace bud

Peace, a little straggly but better than last year!
If there was any kind of garden in this place I would have spent my day out in the garden making things beautiful, but in lieu of anything much I have showered all my love onto my roses, and have salvaged them from a gigantic mess left by the last tenants, to create reasonably round bushes that are literally EXPLODING with buds and flowers.

My Iceburg has just showed it's first peek of white amongst the many buds waiting to brighten my Spring.

To say I'm excited is an understatement! This is my first ever rose salvage operation and I thought I would be covering up the evidence by now... but they look like they are going to boom.


I wish Frog's toilet training was going as well. #FAIL

We have tried everything. We got rid of the Pull Ups and gave her knickers because she treated pull ups like nappies.

We have potties, padded toilet seats, sticker charts, rewards, distractions.... everything.

We put her on the toilet regularly but she spends three seconds before jumping up and shouting "I finished!" and insisting she did a wee even though her cheeks didn't touch the seat.

Even if she does stay on there, sometimes for up to fifteen minutes happily talking, she will get off and walk away and then wee.

There is no reason we can find for this. She sits on the toilet at kindy. She was happily going to the toilet at random intervals with no problems. Then she turned on her stubborn and it's been downhill from there.

It's so frustrating I could scream.

Everyone repeats the same shit to me too - let it go, it's not a big deal, it will happen when she's ready.

Well guess what - she's over ready. She has been able to do it for bloody ages. SHE. JUST. WON'T.

And it is a big deal.

I've been steadily working through the stages for more than 8 months now. I've had enough. Just be done already m'kay?

Thanks xx

Friday, 7 October 2011

For Fucks Sake Friday

All bow at the fount of genius that is Dear Baby G, for she hath declared it "For Fucks Sake Friday".

Hell. Yeah.

What has given me the shits this week?


I've been at work while the bosses went away, and everything.... I mean EVERYTHING went wrong from the second they left, which was when I walked in.

The barcode printer has a fit. So we couldn't clear the magazines except in very. small. batches. at. an. excruciatingly. slow. pace.

This held up all the boxes of new stock waiting to be invoiced into the system and barcoded.

Which meant the job I was going to finish on day 2 was finally done at the last second on day 6, literally slapping on barcode stickers before i walked out the door at 6pm. I am completely exhausted. FFS.

During my 6 days at work nothing has been done by a single other person in this household. FFS.

Including the days that WonderMan was at home with or without the kids. FFS.

I got so exhausted I was almost passing out by lunchtime, but when I went to bed the nightmares started. The horrifying, my children have been murdered kind of nightmares. They terrified me so much it scares me to go to sleep. FFS.

When I do finally sleep Frog has screaming fits in her half asleep half awake state at 2am about her blanket and how it is not exactly right, and she wants it on and off at the same time. Screaming as in the neighbours probably think I am torturing her, and I can't get her to stop despite soothing, cuddling and outright bribery. FFS.

Frog is two and a half. She has the stubborness of a mule with PMS and the attitude of a teenager. I have to literally fight her to get her clothes on. When I have to be at work at 8:30am this gets old very quickly. FFS.

WonderMan very pointedly demanded "Can you do some washing today so I can have some clean underwear?" As If getting up at 6am, wrangling kids, working nine hours, picking up kids, making dinner, doing housework and washing clothes, feeding bathing and putting kids to bed, working and housework until 11pm every night meant I had not been doing anything. FFS.

When I trawled through the mountain of washing that was threatening to swallow $1000 dog, I found ONE, yes ONE, pair of his underwear. The rest were neatly folded in the pile in the hallway as they have been for the last MILLION years. Waiting to be put away as they are meant to be each week. And he couldn't find them. FFS.

Despite being home WonderMan did not take $1000 dog to his vet appt and has been waiting ALL WEEK for ME to reschedule it. Because he can't pick up the phone. FFS.

This is what I got from my mother as a souvenir from the trip I planned to take her on but she took without me.

It's a Chinese cup from the Chinese Museum in Bendigo. NOT even the souvenir picture book from the White Wedding Dress exhibition I so desperately wanted to see, and which she couldn't take photos of. FFS.

I had to sit through 200+ photos of the REST of the trip. And be suitably entusiastic because no-one else cares and I, stupidly, feel bad that Dad and The Bitch are such anal assholes. FFS.

WonderMan has to work tomorrow and I can't go to Adelaide and see my cousin and her beautiful children and go to Ikea for dinner with them. And take my cousin shopping. And did I mention Ikea? FFS.

It's Friday and I have no parties to go to, no friends to drop round and drink wine with, and even if I did, my house is a mess, I'm a mess and I don't have a babysitter. FFS.

Thanks for letting me rant Dear Baby G. Visit her. She is awesome. I only just discovered her blog. It was like adding a rainbow to my life. Serial. xxxx

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

Hey, It's Okay!

Linking with The Whispering Writer for Hey It's Okay Tuesday!

 It's okay:

To avoid Facebook now that's it's changed again. I can't find anything, nothing is in order, and I keep missing important stuff because "Facebook doesn't think I will find it interesting".

To try to attach hastags to everything I type because I've discovered how cool Twitter is. #hashtags = #awesome.

To avoid shifting most of our stuff by having a garage sale and visiting Ikea on our way though the city with the moving truck. SMART.

To really be doing this because I'm sick and tired of my crappy old furniture and it depresses me when I look at lovely houses to rent and then imagine my yukky, seriously second hand, so odd it can't even be called ecclectic furniture in them. Yuk.

To have never visited Ikea but already be addicted to it. I may melt from the excitement of my first visit.

To still be cranky about dog hair in my laundry because $1000 dog has been upgraded to an indoor suite post hip operation.

To get a cleaner because WonderMan is about to go away until the new year... and if I have to do the dishes myself there is no way NO WAY I will be able to cope without some form of help.

To ask the cleaner if she does dishes.

To aboslutely and completely loathe dishes.

To put a dishwasher on my house hunting list.

To consider eating my daily calorie intake as m&m's as long as I don't go over.

To accompany my m&m's with a suitable wine.

To hate people who don't drive according to the road rules. How on earth do 99% of people in this country get their licence?

Monday, 3 October 2011

Marking time

I haven't been blogging very long.

In fact, I think I will have just celebrated my 1st bloggy birthday when I attend DPCON12, meaning it is fate and I must go or the world will end.

But when I started I had so much to say. So many ideas, thoughts, laughs at life.

They seem to have disappeared.

Part of the problem was that a couple of months into my cyberspace adventure Dinoputer died and I waited TEN WHOLE WEEKS for a new netbook to arrive.

I fell out of my bloggy groove and can't find it again. Instead I feel like I'm sailing across the wake of the Titanic.

So what's going on? Am I not cut out for this? Why am I no good at stuff?

I considered these questions very carefully and then my ego said "Hello? How can you NOT be awesome? You are asking the wrong questions my dear."

So I asked a better one - why can't I find my flow anymore?

Because I'm marking time.

Waiting for that moving day to arrive.

Waiting for my escape from this crazy hicktown.

Waiting until the day I no longer have to say "I live here."

Waiting for the beginning of the road to somewhere, instead of banging my head against the brick wall of this stupid community.

A community that I was born into, but I no longer love.

My feelings have been showing here. Oh so clearly, if only I had taken the time to notice.

Every second post is a big freaky emo rant.

My schedule has gone out the window, and even though I'm one for a bit of creative licence and randomness.... there has to be some kind of structure or everything just falls down.

On the days when WonderMan is home I haven't been posting at all.

I don't even KNOW why this has an effect. It never has before.

If you looked around my home you would think that I just don't care, or I'm too exhausted to care. Most days it's a mixture of both.

I don't want to be cleaning it. I want to be packing it. In boxes. On a truck that is going somewhere else.

If someone had pulled a truck up to my front door today I would have hurled everything in and driven away in an hour flat.

I can't stand life here anymore.

I. Want. Out.

And I know we are getting out.

But the waiting is killing me.

I'm counting weeks and days until I move.

I'm counting hours until WonderMan leaves to start work up north. And not because I want him to go, but because it will all finally seem real.

I will allow myself the chance to hope.

I mentioned my lack of direction to WonderMan tonight.

And he told me to write about it. To give myself some way of tracking our progress towards that Brand New Day.

A before and after, as he put it.

WELL D'UH! Why didn't I think of that?

Because sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees.

Because I am so kicked down by everything around me that sometimes I forget to look up.

Because he may be young, but by gods he's wise.

I will be checking in to let you know how I'm going - with the organising, the waiting, the dramas of solo parenting my way through the next few weeks and months.

Hopefully with a bit more direction, and a few more laughs.

Because one thing I've always been able to do is laugh, even if it means people do give me strange looks.

The countdown is on.