Thursday, 28 July 2011

I'm an oxymoron

Like most people I hate stereotypes

It's mostly because I don't fit into them very well.

I'm a motorbike racer, and ballet dancer. I listen to 50's rock and roll back to back with LMFAO, Party Rockin my way through my housework.

I adore high fashion, stacked heels and would sell my soul for one of the $1400 colour block Fendi clutches I spied this week. But my $20 jeans from Rivers are so fricking comfortable I literally live in them. I would sleep in them too if WonderMan would let me.

I'm an old fashioned mummy in a lot of ways, insisting on manners at all times and so proud of myself because my two year old says "please/thankyous" to everyone for everything. But she also calls everyone "cool duuuuuuude" and I have a nine year old that comes home on Friday arvo and declares "It's the freaking weekend yahooooo!" which would have got me a clip around the ear from my mother but elicits a high five from me.

I adore vintage decor, but can't wait for the day I can build a smart home that does what I want just by coughing.

I read Top Gear mag and Shop Til You Drop. I can't choose between the fine dining of a high end restaurant and pancakes for brekky in my pyjamas.

I want an SUV, but still dream of a Triumph with my kids rocking it out in a sidecar...

I can't be defined because I'm at polar ends of the scale. It's something that WonderMan has even commented on. In his own words "I've known you for almost four years, and even though I loved you from the first minute I still don't know who you are". Well honey, neither do I!

I think this is the root of my struggles with life. I can't define myself, I am seeking my place in this world and my place with others, but it's starting to dawn on me that I should be making my own place - and I have been doing this lately.

In fact I've always been doing it without even realising. As a child I never fitted any of the girls groups at school. And of course a girl couldn't hang out with the boys, even though they turned out to be the best mates a girl could have and they have been the ones that pick me up when the blackness of life engulfs me. I did what I wanted regardless but it churned me up inside and I lived with a lot of fear. Fear of not fitting in, fear of more bullying, fear of being labelled different.

I'm letting go of the fear. People who don't like me can go jump. Because I like me. For the first time ever. I've stopped questioning why WonderMan loves me and started basking in the glow of that love.

This week I let the sunshine break out from this black cloud I've been carrying. I let my smile shine, and couldn't care what my in-laws are talking about behind my back... because if they are behind me I can't hear them. I won't live my life looking over my shoulder, I am looking into my future today and every day.

This morning I turned on Twitter (which I adore, and will continue to live on for the rest of my natural life!) and saw this tweet from @TheDailyLove ~ Release anyone & anything that doesn't support your happiness. Life is too short to tolerate anyone's B.S. ~

They then followed it up with this ~ Let go, give the Uni-verse room to make miracles in your life ~

Says it all really!

1 comment:

  1. Love this post!
    I listen to 'Lady Jazz'96.5 on my drive home on a Tuesday night, she is an old retiree who plays jazz and old time music from the 40s and 50s. I follow it up with some Top 40, love unique female artists and love drumming my fingers along to the old punk cd's from my teen years. Play Van Morrison or Joe Cocker, and I want to belt it out!
    I shop at Katies, Supre, Vinnies, Myer....well anywhere that sells something I like for a reasonable price!
    I'm a declutterer at heart, but have kept a lot of special things from my childhood (in pretty organised boxes) and am currently sitting at the computer to avoid the housework I'm overdue to do.
    So many more contradictions to list, but the point is, I've felt lost for a long time too, but like you I am coming to terms with ME!
    We don't have to fit in a box, it just feels that way so that we can say we've settled, we know what we want and where we're headed. That's overrated :o)
    Cheers to women who don't fit a mold!!


Comments make my world go round!