Monday, 24 October 2011

Tell me again why this was a good idea?

It's moments like now that I wonder if what I am doing is really the best thing.

WonderMan went away today. 

He's gone up north to drive a truck, and I'm in little old Hicksville waiting for the year to end.

There was a lot of thinking and agonising before we made this decision. We determined it was better that Tiger finish her year at school before we moved, so we could keep things as settled and "normal" as possible, giving her plenty of time to come to terms with the changes ahead.

It feels like a really stupid decision when I'm alone in my bed.

When every noise and bump makes me go rigid with fear.

Just tiny background noises, that are there every night, and of which, up until now, I was blissfully unaware.

I am no longer protected, I am the protector, and I'm freaking out at every moment.

WonderMan and I have not spent much time apart in the last four years. And I've got used to him walking in the door every night, and rubbing my feet after dance classes to make me feel better.

I feel like a little piece of my soul is missing.

I know that there is a finite time to wait. But right now it could be all of eternity.

Every since he drove away this morning, and after five minutes Frog asked "Where Daddy?" I've been worrying about whether this was such a good idea.

I knew it wasn't when I realised I have to do the dishes, because my sexy dishwasher is 600kms away.....

Sometimes I can be so stupid.

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