Monday, 28 November 2011

The One Where We Do The Right Thing... for a while...

Sit down my lovelies, and listen to the tale of WonderMan and I doing the right thing.... and the two hours of our lives we will never, EVER get back.

Several weeks ago Frog had an invitation in her daycare pigeonhole to a little girl's third birthday.

Now normally, in a place like Hicksville, I generally know who is who, but with no last name or indication other than a mobile number and an address in the nearby mini-hicksville I was completely in the dark.

Never mind, I was too busy being like "Wow! Frog got her first invite, way to go chicky!" She's only two and a half so this was pretty cool.

I texted our RSVP, and spent the next few weeks thinking about what we would give a three year old we didn't know (except for Frog of course... and went I asked her she went "Oh no, I not know!")

I carefully chose a fairy board game aged for 3+, wrapped it in beautiful paper, and managed to get Frog to sit down and draw a pretty picture for her friend in the card.

I had to work Saturday morning, but made sure I let the mother know we would be a little late and were definitely still coming.

I carefully considered and duly washed and ironed party clothes for Frog - a mix of pretty but practical because she's a playing in the sand kind of girl. 

For those of you who didn't know, WonderMan snuck in Friday night for a visit, so he was able to get her ready Saturday while I was at work.

He "put my hair up all pwetty mummy!" and made sure the kids were ready and waiting for me when I finished work.

We shot out the few kms down the road and rolled up to the party.

And then we lost two hours of our lives and I'm mourning them terribly.

First, I would have said the house was condemned - but someone had stuck up a happy birthday banner so apparently not.

WonderMan and I exchanged looks, but in an attempt not to judge, we hopped out with smiles on our faces and walked over. 

It took three attempts for anyone to speak to us and five more to find out who the birthday girl was.

Frog skipped over with gift in hand and said "Happy Birfday!" The girl turned her back on her and walked away. After three attempts a nearby mother (not the child's) took pity on poor Frog and tried to get her to stand still and accept her present. Four more tries and Frog finally got fed up and walked away, leaving her gift on the ground.

Mother of the girl was nowhere in sight and another child came over and tried to interest birthday girl in her gift. This second little one ended up opening our gift and excitedly "ooh-ing" and "aaaah-ing" over the contents, while the birthday girl scowled at everyone. I'm glad at least someone appreciated my effort!

When the mother and grandmother finally appeared, they didn't even bother to say "Hello" after we tried to be polite.

One glance at a nearby mother's tight face suggested we weren't the only ones a little spaced out by the whole scene.

Later, trying desperately to make conversation with someone I approached this mother and had a chat. She indicated between clenched teeth that she was certain she could invent a dying family member in the next five minutes if needed, and would I like to share.

The kids were awful, the food looked like a salmonella intensive breeding program and the house was disgusting.

Not the messy, I haven't had time to clean kind. Just yuk. Lazy, I'm too busy watching my hundred square inch plasma tv that may or may not be shoring up the living room wall, and hollering at my kids to bring me another beer kind of yuk.

Despite trying to hold on I finally cracked and had to ask to use the loo. Where I discovered that although they can afford ten thousand dollars of home entertainment, there was no roof in the bathroom. I was looking up at tin and talking to the birds.

When I came out WonderMan was giving me desperate eye signals....

He almost broke the land speed record answering his phone, I don't think it even got in half a tone before he was off on an important sounding conversation... which was, in fact, a wrong number.

In short it was terrible.

Despite trying out best, and reminding ourselves we were doing the right thing by trying not to be rude, we were desperate to get out of there.

We hung on for a little while because they had started painting the kids faces and Frog's face lit up at the sight.

She ended up as a beautiful butterfly, while Tiger got a purple dragon.

Happy girls

Their smiles made it almost worthwhile being there.

Almost, but not quite.

I very politely thanked our hosts for inviting us, and made my excuses about a family engagement we must get to.

After waving goodbye and being handed a party bag full of greasy lollies we piled into the car and as we drove off WonderMan gave me a strange look.

"So what's this family engagement we have to get to?" he asked.

"I have a date." I said, "with my brother Beer, starting in exactly ten minutes."

"I like your thinking...." he replied, "By the way, do we have any tea tree oil at home? I think we might want to give the kids hair a wash..."


  1. OMG That's disgcusting.
    Now I know not everyone has the same housekeeping standards so I won't even go there (although let it be said I could not live like that) but to be blatantly rude is just not on!

  2. LOL LOL LOL. I feel like I need to wash after having read that! Gross. And bloody rude. Good story though!

  3. It was that moment when you thought "Maybe under all of this they are nice people, just living a bit differently" And they weren't. It was just as bad as it looked from the outside.

    Thanks for your comments :)


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