Thursday, 15 December 2011

Stab Stab Stabbity Stab

If you follow me on Twitter you will most likely have seen me having little hissy fits about random things that make me want to stab myself in the eye with a fork.

And as I go about my day I'm finding more and more. So I started making a proper list.

Things that make me want to stab myself in the eye with a fork today
  • Reindeer antlers on cars
  • Not having a dishwasher
  • Women at the cafe whining about how they only get out with their husband "once a week without the children". They're not on loan you stupid bitch.
  • Other women agreeing. (By the time my coffee arrived I was ready to stab all of them)
  • The emo teenagers that work at my local supermarket. SAY HELLO. SMILE. YOU WILL NOT DIE.
  • People who insist that "god will provide" for their tenth or twentieth or fiftieth child. Because ultimately it is society who provides, and quite often it's is a lot more than the people who work damn hard and pay the taxes to provide it receive for all their toil year after year.
  • TV programs made after the year 2000.
  • Paying $1-50 for the local newspaper which is essentially a sheet of paper covered in advertisements and a catalogue for sheep worm treatments. 
  • Facebook.
  • Providing 30 Christmas cards for Tiger's class mates. 
  • Strapless articles of clothing and mini skirts worn two sizes too small by young girls who could start a land rights for whales group. If they accepted what size they were this would not bother me, but the sight of tortured, sweaty rolls of skin is nauseating.
  • Women who bathe in disgusting perfumes. Especially cheap nasty perfume. Or Red Door, which should come equipped with a teeny tiny eye dropper and a biohazard sticker.
  • Mobility scooters on roads. It is akin to hanging a hanky off a skateboard and cruising down the national highway. PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE.
  • Curling ribbon. 
  • Not being able to afford Christmas on a tropical island.
  • Wedding planning. 
  • People who spend their life offending you but are offended if you don't want their nasty arses at your wedding.
  • Whining children. Especially my own. 
  • The fact that I have to continue to bother with child support  to keep the government happy, but they waste thousands of dollars chasing $5 a week from a serial non payer. 
  • Refusing to allow me to opt out of that system even though I am trying to save the government money. You would think they would jump at the chance.
  • Filing.
  • Scrapbooking stuff. Scrapbooking in general. The snootiness of some "scrappers" when presented with a Hallmark birthday card because I have better things to do with my life. 
  • Not being able to convince my grandmother that I don't want any electrical appliances unless she's prepared to fork out for an industrial sized coffee machine or a thermomix. What I want is the book I have been hankering after all year, which will be in every grandchild's parcel except mine.
  • People who sniff loudly and constantly instead of using a tissue. It makes me want to shove something hot and sharp up their noses.

What makes you stabby?

1 comment:

  1. Lol think you might like Dear Baby G's FSF


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