Pass the gin and smarties...

SCHOOL HOLIDAYS ARE HERE.

It is day one. 

I had no work. 

There was no school run.

There was absolutely zero bits of stuff planned for today.

So Frog got up at 7:08am.

And then went down the hall way and annoyed her sister until they were both in my room whining and shouting. Mostly at each other. Possibly at me too but I had stuffed the corners of the doona in my ears so I'm not sure.

Eventually they fed themselves while I pretended I was busy drinking my coffee. I'm sure they noticed my pretend sipping went on way too long for any normal cup. It had been empty for ten minutes when I finally gave up the pretence and dragged my butt out of bed.

I don't have anything planned except for the blissful days that I will be going to work and will hopefully be able to con WonderMan into picking them up from their various daycare whatnots.

Where's my holiday in all of this?

No one is sleeping in.

I have to entertain and referee and divide and conquer regularly. I've swapped the morning rush for entire days of angst and throwing peanuts at the monkeys every five minutes in case the starving beasts decide to eat my legs.

In a moment of desperation this morning I decided we would go to the library and then remembered the library is closed on Mondays.

Waaaaaaaaaaaah!

The pillow fort is back. Entry is free but donations of gin and smarties are gratefully appreciated. 

And make sure you bring some peanuts to keep the monkeys at bay.

For Fucks Sake Friday

It's whine time (with a silent H, heh)

Time to air my grievances for the week and then drop them in the bin.

FFS Friday is brought to you by Dear Baby G who is awesomeness personified.

 So what's given me the shits this week?


Frog is Queen Contrary-Huffington. All. Day. Long. No matter what you say or do, she refuses on principal. I offered her a Cadbury Mini Egg yesterday and she shouted "Noooooo!" TWICE before she realised what she was saying. I feel like I'm living in the Red Zone... my day is full of random skirmishes and I just have to pray I don't trip the ITD (Improvised Tantrum Device) FFS.

 I've been trying to get Tiger to brush her teeth for the most part of ten years, doing it myself until she was five and the squirmy little shit sod darling little child could escape my clutches. One trip to Nick the Wonder Dentist and she's brushed them day and night for a week and keeps asking when she can go and have her next fluoride treatment. FFS.

 This week more than five people have blatantly failed to give way to me at one of the roundabouts, two doing so without even looking, obviously under some insane impression that they exist therefor they must go first. FFS.

 I may or may not have ranted about roundabouts and road rules until Tiger finally said "Yes, mum, I get it, nobody knows how to use a freaking roundabout. Can we put the radio on now?" FFS.

 I've been re-organising the stupidly huge pile of recipe clippings into a usable format, spent ages creating a balanced and delicious weekly menu plan, and it turns out I should have burned the whole lot to keep me warm because all my hard work has been met with such gems as "Where's the meat?" "I don't like it" "What's that green thing?" "It's yucky" "Can we have noodles?" and my personal favourite "Why did you make THIS?" FFS.

 It's a week until the Digital Parents Conference and my Twitter feed is FULL of #DPCON12 hashtags. I had to sell my ticket and give up the only two days all to myself in five years so excuse me if I ignore all of you lovely people and go and hide in my pillow fort while it's on, clutching my smarties and filling the moat with lava. FFS.

 Rant over. Please resume normal programming. Oh wait.... this is normal.... D'oh!