Friday, 16 September 2011

Welcome to CMTA

{Children's Morning Television Anonymous}

Come in, take a seat. They're quite comfy. Oh yes, we love Ikea....

Would you like a cuppa? Coffee? Of course. Now would you like that served at the perfect temperature, or stone cold as you usually get to drink it? We find it makes some parents more comfrotable.

Here you are...

Now, I'll start by letting you know a little bit about what we do here at the CMTA.

We are an organisation committed to ensuring the best possible outcomes for sufferers of CMT.

Are you sure you're okay with that coffee dear? I just noticed you are a little nervy, understandable really, that's why we're here.

No, no, it's okay, we're used to that, it's a stain proof rug. No don't feel bad, you're not the first.

Where was I? Oh yes. Now you are all here today to begin a brave journey. A journey many parents just like you have faced before. We believe that no parent should have to face it alone and that's why we developed our 12 Step Program to Healthy Mornings.

Our program can help you overcome the pain and stress that CMT causes, and our ultimate goal is to create Healthy, stress free mornings for all of you.

Don't laugh quite so cynically dear, you're upsetting the others.

Let's get to know each other shall we? We will go around the circle and tell each other our names and a little bit about ourselves, and why we are here.

I'll begin shall I? I'm Miranda and I'm here to help you all on the road to recovery from CMT.

"I'm Grace. I have a toddler, and I suffer from CMT. I've tried bribing her to stay in bed, distraction methods, the lot, but none of them have worked for me."

"I'm Brenda. I was a technician BC (before children) and I can't get these songs out of my head!"

"I'm Jack, I'm a stay at home dad, and last week I put on my my driving cap and tried to fly on one of the seagulls in the yard."

"I'm Suzie, and I see bright coloured monsters dancing everywhere. My husband thinks I drink or something, I wish I could tell him the truth."

Well, now we've got to know a little about each other, we're going to move on to Step One of our Program for Healthy Mornings - Facing our fears.

It's perfectly all right dear, This is a safe place, you will be okay. It's also why I've asked you to bring a support person with you, you are quite okay to hold their hand while we go through the process.

I'm going to give you all a remote, and when it's your turn I am going to start the program and you must switch it off. Remember YOU are in control, not the television.

You first Suzie - remember, point, and click. No... no.... banging the remote over DJ Lance's head won't work, POINT AND CLICK! Well done, Suzie. Are you okay dear? Yes, most people do react badly the first time, but it gets much easier with practice.

Okay Brenda, your turn. Yes, that's fine dear, if you need a little help feel free to hold on to your support person.... "Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" That's right dear, let it out, good girl! Fantastic effort there Brenda, do you feel more in control now? Excellent.

Jack, let's take our cap off now shall we? Yes, that's right, and grasp the remote firmly in your hand. Here we go..... good! A clean switch, fabulous!

Do you think you would like a go Grace? Yes, dear, I know that you can point your fingers and do the twist, but do you think you could manage a point and click? Oh well done Grace, well done, quite a flourish you gave it.

Do we all feel a bit more in control now?

You have all made fantastic progress this session.... and before we go home I'd like to give you some tools to help you when you feel it's all getting too much.

Whenever you find yourself in an unhealthy situation, repeat these words:

I am in control of the remote.

"I am in control of the remote"

The monsters do not exist

"The monsters do not exist"

This too shall pass

"This too shall pass"

They are NOT my freaky children

"They are NOT my freaky children"

Good, good. Now if it all gets too much remember what we practiced today - the point and click. I'm sure you will all do very well.

Next week we will move on to our second Step - Removing the TV cord.

See you soon!


  1. lol!
    I don't think I'm ready for step two. I'm going to need some breathing exercises

  2. LOL! Yes, I do need to remember to turn the idiot box off so I no longer have to listen to the random rubbish that is on the tube... Yo Gabba Gabba, Lazy Town - watch out, you've run your last race!

  3. Love it! I'm more than ready for step 2.

  4. Today I unplugged the set top box.

    I can't wait until someone tries to turn the tv on.....


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